twenty?

5 year old me and 20 year old me

Last Sunday I turned twenty, which is a really weird thing. You're technically an adult at 18, but being 20 is like real adulthood. What makes it even more hard to grasp is the fact that I permanently look 16, and for some reason whenever anyone asks me how old I am I say 18 by accident.

Now, in turning twenty nothing that exciting happens. When you turn 16 you can drive, at 18 you buy cigarettes (please don't smoke), and of course the best one: you can legally drink at 21. As for 20 the only really exciting thing I can say is that I beat teen pregnancy, but thats only really exciting to my parents. But I just sort of feel different. I feel like I shouldn't be able to say I'm twenty years old. It just sounds too old? It's two whole decades of my life already finished, and thats just insane.

I feel like I should have more of my life figured out because growing up I know I always thought that being an adult would be the coolest thing ever. I would have everything figured out. I'd have an awesome group of friends, a great job, be in an perfect relationship, have actual money in my bank account, and my life would be totally on track. Five year old me had really high expectations for adult me and I'm now coming to terms with the fact that she was a little bit of an overachiever.

What five year old me didn't realize is that just turning twenty and being considered an adult by no means makes you an adult. And really, no one has their life figured out, especially not twenty year olds. And it's okay. It's okay because your not supposed to.

Your 20's are a time to figure out who you are and what you want in life. You should learn and grow and explore and make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Things are gonna go wrong and fall a part and crumble around you. But you're gonna come out of that stronger, wiser, and better for it.

Nothing in life should be set in stone at twenty, it should a fresh start. Twenty will be an adventure of figuring out what life is and where it's going, it'll be confusing and hard and exciting. But just remember that five year old you is proud of twenty year old you no matter what and that everything in the end will be okay.