Putting Yourself First, From Someone Struggling To Do So.
If you have ever said/thought/been in denial about the words "they make me feel like shit" please, for me and everyone else who loves you in the world: let them go, move on. You don't need them, and they don't want you nor do they deserve your time, energy, or love. I know that's hard to come to terms with, I am struggling with it as I write this, but keep reading and hopefully we'll both feel better by the end of this. I, more than anyone, know how awful it is to have someone in your life that makes you feel like shit, but for some reason you just can't let them go. So join me in the club of putting yourself at the bottom of every list, and then lets destroy it together.
It's really easy to surround yourself with people who don't deserve you. If you're anything like me, you care immensely about said people when they-more often than not-could not give less of a shit about you. They do the bare minimum to keep you strung along as a friend/significant other/loved one/whoever and you let them do it. But for what? And at what cost to you and your mental health?
We are always so awful to ourselves. It shows in our inner dialogues, the people we surround ourselves with, and how we treat ourselves. If you told me right now you would give me a million dollars to name three things I like about myself, I would be out a million dollars. But why? Why is it so hard to love ourselves? It makes no sense, we are stuck with ourselves our whole lives, and yet nine times out of ten we chose to beat ourselves up and destroy our self confidence. Something I've learned recently is that you can't expect to find your own happiness in the people around you. You can't expect them to love you when you don't love yourself. Putting all of your faith in your friends to bring you happiness when you don't love yourself is not going to end well for anyone. Now, loving yourself is by no means easy, it should be, but in all reality it's really freaking hard.
But I'm going to stop. Stop treating myself like I am less important than everyone around me. Stop putting myself last and start putting myself first. I deserve to be happy, we all do. I've been alive for twenty years now and I cannot remember the last time I was truly, genuinely, unconditionally happy and in love with myself. I want you to do the same. Start appreciating yourself. Compliment yourself, set goals (and meet them), clean your room, buy a new outfit, read a book, make a friend, get rid of the shitty people in your life, meditate, scream-sing in a your car, just please love yourself and be happy because you deserve nothing less.
Think of the people in your life right now, are there any that come to mind that if you just stopped putting in any effort the relationship would disintegrate? Well, then let it disintegrate. You don't need people in your life who don't actively appreciate and love you. Start giving yourself what you deserve and accept nothing less than that. It's going to suck at first. It's going to feel lonely and scary and unknown, but coming out on the other side will feel fantastic, I promise.